Today

we sold our heads
we fixed the brakes
we confirmed flight numbers
we had pastries in Budapest
we ran out of wax

Today

we minced an arm
we ate three deaf sheep
we bid for an imperial costume
we exported our garbage
we trained with robots

Today

we shrunk an elephant
we thumped a dashboard in frustration
we summarised gender based preconceptions
we rewired an explosive device
we confused a farmer

Today

we won an i-pad
we set a stripper on fire
we wore a scarf made of trousers
we accidentally removed a testicle
we haunted a chicken farm

Today

we sold our hair
we ate two hundred pancakes
We wore a cinnamon cardigan
we trimmed a hedge with a goat
we walked through a tunnel of ice

Today

we slipped on salt
we soared over Ben Nevis
we woke up with a blank face
we escaped from Colditz Castle
we threw popcorn at morons

Today

we stared at evil statues
we swam through a septic tank
we disputed the claims of coffee farmers
we noticed something in the distance
we played in the snow

Today

we visited Narnia
we uncovered a secret error
we built a boat made of ice cream
we played fetch with a camel
we doodled on a school desk

Today

we plotted revenge
we learnt which drill to use
we filled a glove with chocolate
we followed safety regulations
we protected the president

Today

we fired a sniper rifle
we dodged a bucket of paint
we roasted some purple potatoes
we passed a lie detector test
we ran over a scorpion

Today

we put the moon in a jar
we asked Santa for a pink piano
we had a conversation with a kitchen appliance
we locked ourselves in storage
we inflated a life jacket

Today

we opened a theme park
we realised we were not dead
we remembered how to throw a boomerang
we debated the meaning of irony
we took a colour blind test

Today

we sold toy pandas
we calmed a US veteran
we mutilated a mannequin
we played a golden game of monopoly
we turned down a pension

Today

we painted a sphinx
we filled a knapsack with demons
we were poisoned by green perfume
we were confused by a jackhammer
we shared bread with a saint

Today

we pretended to hug
we were trapped on a platform
we contracted diabetes from a hedgehog
we experimented with marmite
we danced in iron shoes

Today

we overdosed on adjectives
we put a feather on a hairband
we were paid for our personal services
we lit up the New York skyline
we struggled with an invoice

Today

we rented a giraffe
we faked hyperglycaemia
we got dressed at the Moulin Rouge
we were triple crossed
we found Nemo

Today

we jumped over a gate
we questioned a magic mirror
we simulated behavioural change
we were served our dinner by a seal
we transported a coffin

Today

we exhumed a grave
we sat on a high horse
we made a democratic joke
we listened to the voice of God
we stole a jam sandwich

Today

we toasted owls
we cleaned the kitchen counter
we became lords of the mountain
we mourned the death of a porcine fugitive
we squeezed into a box

Today

we sued an apple
we began at the beginning
we found a guitar in a bin
we followed Elvish road signs
we kept the faith

Today

we scrubbed a rug
we doctored some footage
we sat in an empty stadium
we ordered room service
we formed a coalition

Today

we dodged a train
we quoted Nelson Mandela
we filled a box with heather
we sang into the wind
we rented a friend

Today

we broke a knife
we toppled mattresses
we took a shower under a rainbow
we stormed the beach
we mowed in the dark

Today

we elected a clown
we buried a jar of pennies
we found a leech in our pants
we were asked who we are
we drew a pink curtain

Today

we flattened a tower
we went on a dragon hunt
we experienced narcolepsy
we received a poison pen letter
we punched the air

Today

we killed a sailor
we ignored an alarm
we downloaded our brains
we made an emergency landing
we spanked a petal

Today

we lost track of time
we found a giant penguin
we sang happy birthday underground
we answered all the questions
we sprained a finger

Today

we played croquet
we patronised a bunny rabbit
we cleaned our throats with bleach
we mourned the death of a transvestite
we shared a hair band

Today

we tickled a hippo
we sang through a letterbox
we were visited by the tooth fairy
we announced the wrong winner
we threw snowballs into a fire

Today

we danced with leaves
we cleaned our glasses in a fish tank
we quoted a Roman
we grew a plant in a shoe
we befriended a cockroach

Today

we popped pills
we were turned away by Noah
we put a wall in a door
we celebrated St Lucia
we shredded potatoes

Today

we removed our faces
we gave a necklace to a dwarf
we were shot in the leg by a dog
we had blind man’s soup
we got there in the end

Today

we read brainwaves
we were boarded by pirates
we rolled in the hay
we cooked a witch in the oven
we spoke to a fish

Today

we followed a melody
we opened tins with a laser
we got stabbed in the bottom by a Viking
we polished our trophies
we staked a claim

Today

we re-animated dead tissue
we learned to use a knife and fork
we dried our nails with a monkey
we smeared our mouths with blood
we hid in a mousehole

Today

we surfed into a volcano
we almost sewed six shirts
we made peace with a sultan
we teleported to the supermarket
we wobbled a tooth

Today

we dabbled with genetics
we activated the magic amulet
we looked for a leopard
we flushed our hair in the toilet
we collected rings

Today

we sang for our supper
we were sedated by a nurse
we shook a feathery pillow
we entered the dreams of a psychopath
we sat on a hat

Today

we voted for change
we put a cat in a teapot
we worried about a lollipop man
we had delusions of grandeur
we bled into a well

Today

we contracted cholera
we entered the seventh dimension
we found water in the desert
we partied with a bar of chocolate
we popped our cheeks

Today

we purchased a hearse
we defeated the grasshoppers
we put on leather masks
we raised the age of criminality
we melted cheese

Today

we talked about the weather
we glued a dragon back together
we solved a nefarious conundrum
we discovered a green suitcase
we criticised the Pope

Today

we hid under a cask
we gave ice cream to a pregnant nun
we counted all the trees
we learnt new words
we burnt a flag

Today

we lost a sea snail
we were warmed by a trumpet
we were force fed in a stable
we suffocated in the bathroom
we faked accents

Today

we pretended to be dumb
we were cast into Satan’s pit
we listened to a Welsh lullaby
we were bored by a rooster
we sold our sperm

Today

we lost a golden ball
we struck a deal with the mafia
we delivered a speech about teapots
we received one hundred Christmas cards
we defrosted a quiche

Today

we wore plastic pearls
we put a bomb in a pony
we had our knees touched
we escaped from prison
we diced some bacon

Today

we fished on dry land
we carbonated bodily fluids
we had lunch with a kazoo
we castigated a dragon
we shot a red kite

Today

we smeared mud on our hair
we were held hostage
we rode on a rusty rollercoaster
we put a balloon in the microwave
we cursed at the devil

Today

we parked on the grass
we danced the Hokey Cokey
we met the tin man
we chased an ice cream van
we smuggled turtles

Today

we planted some seeds
we jumped over a tennis ball
we poached our tits
we lusted for blood
we got free coffee

Today

we threw eggs
we sat on a table
we gobbled up a beech tree
we made a purrfect pun
we bathed in a fountain

Today

we dressed up as penguins
we threw ourselves in front of a train
we performed ballet in the park
we drained a lawnmower
we made pink pancakes

Today

we activated the cloning machine
we were fingered by strawberries
we put a satellite on the moon
we wrapped up seven tongues in a handkerchief
we went to the circus

Today

we were cast out of the kingdom
we sang underneath a lemon tree
we were propositioned by an Indian
we changed someone’s name
we wished for a piglet

Today

we sent social services to the castle
we looked forward to a monsoon
we found God in a pillow factory
we received a postcard from a horse
we lost a sock

Today

we ended a war
we were amused by a Russian
we drowned a wolf in a trough
we were threatened by a flaming skull
we stayed in a mootel

Today

we blue the wind
we discovered a new dinosaur
we listened to an argument
we cramped our nipples
we made matches

Today

we mourned the death of a dictionary
we were checked out from afar
we plotted against a flower
we were shot in the eyes
we compared heels

Today

we bowled a bad ball
we doctored a suicide bomber
we were mightily impressed with ourselves
we threw stones in glass houses
we dried our backs

Today

we completed a poem
we toasted a happy couple
we answered no questions about bodies of water
we had visions of the past
we bent a hedge

Today

we spoke Italian
we purged our feet
we faced a demon
we were loved a hundred times more than all the planets
we faked it

Today

we planned ahead
we got a visitor’s pass to hell
we listened to snoring parakeets
we talked to strangers
we swapped books

Today

we broke a record
we built a house for a plasticine alien
we dismantled a car seat
we avoided the need to relearn division
we organised towels

Today

we gave kittens to fairies
we uncovered robots in disguise
we tap danced on the stage of excellence
we blended with an album cover
we found life in the bin

Today

we were attacked by a bush
we protected a spoon
we ironed out the wrinkles
we passed a secret test
we hooted with owls

Today

we pondered
we packed our lunch
we prevented a viral outbreak
we held on to our ears
we got a reward

Today

we were stalked by whales
we released an evil spirit
we stole a painting
we swam in horseradish sauce
we let down our hair

Today

we were blocked by copyrights
we made a playground for butterflies
we received official notification
we breathed a hairy sigh of relief
we continued the countdown

Today

we swapped shirts
we are very proud of Nadia
we avoided the dangerous mushrooms
we played on a glittery slide
we had raspberry kisses

Today

we put a hat on a cat
we befriended a zombie
we covered ourselves in gravy
we waited for someone to die
we let the phone ring

Today

we fixed a broken tomato
we called forth an army of toilet rollbots
we received a historical delivery
we sat with trolls
we painted the moon

Today

we self scanned
we doubted the presence of coconuts
we shared cat porn
we documented surgical procedures
we shook our asses

Today

we tweaked the game
we read someone's diary
we found a vampire in an egg
we changed the colour of the curtains
we gave advice

Today

we battled the forces of negativity
we rated vegetables
we defused a bomb
we smiled at the birth of beavers
we buried a spade

Today

we avoided the stress of weddings
we put on an almost naked fashion show
we purchased wooden sea creatures
we won gold, silver and bronze
we tangled typewriters

Today

we thanked a pair of ravens
we coated ourselves in red
we laughed at a man with a pea in his lung
we found a secret button
we chose maple leaves

Today

we saw a shower of meteors
we had a full medical
we mocked Christians
we added another colour to the game
we saved a snail

Today

we laughed at inappropriate things
we played in a tunnel
we did a raindance for Russia to help put out the fires
we killed a monster
we slept

Today

we spoke about ice cream
we painted our future
we booked tickets for an opera in Stockholm
we ruled the universe
we didn’t sleep

Today

we continued our blog
we left the TV switched off
we faced deadlines
we did a make it stop raining dance for Pakistan

Today

We started a blog
we left the TV switched off
we stared up into space