Today

we sold our heads
we fixed the brakes
we confirmed flight numbers
we had pastries in Budapest
we ran out of wax

Today

we minced an arm
we ate three deaf sheep
we bid for an imperial costume
we exported our garbage
we trained with robots

Today

we shrunk an elephant
we thumped a dashboard in frustration
we summarised gender based preconceptions
we rewired an explosive device
we confused a farmer

Today

we won an i-pad
we set a stripper on fire
we wore a scarf made of trousers
we accidentally removed a testicle
we haunted a chicken farm

Today

we sold our hair
we ate two hundred pancakes
We wore a cinnamon cardigan
we trimmed a hedge with a goat
we walked through a tunnel of ice

Today

we slipped on salt
we soared over Ben Nevis
we woke up with a blank face
we escaped from Colditz Castle
we threw popcorn at morons

Today

we stared at evil statues
we swam through a septic tank
we disputed the claims of coffee farmers
we noticed something in the distance
we played in the snow

Today

we visited Narnia
we uncovered a secret error
we built a boat made of ice cream
we played fetch with a camel
we doodled on a school desk

Today

we plotted revenge
we learnt which drill to use
we filled a glove with chocolate
we followed safety regulations
we protected the president

Today

we fired a sniper rifle
we dodged a bucket of paint
we roasted some purple potatoes
we passed a lie detector test
we ran over a scorpion

Today

we put the moon in a jar
we asked Santa for a pink piano
we had a conversation with a kitchen appliance
we locked ourselves in storage
we inflated a life jacket

Today

we opened a theme park
we realised we were not dead
we remembered how to throw a boomerang
we debated the meaning of irony
we took a colour blind test

Today

we sold toy pandas
we calmed a US veteran
we mutilated a mannequin
we played a golden game of monopoly
we turned down a pension

Today

we painted a sphinx
we filled a knapsack with demons
we were poisoned by green perfume
we were confused by a jackhammer
we shared bread with a saint

Today

we pretended to hug
we were trapped on a platform
we contracted diabetes from a hedgehog
we experimented with marmite
we danced in iron shoes

Today

we overdosed on adjectives
we put a feather on a hairband
we were paid for our personal services
we lit up the New York skyline
we struggled with an invoice

Today

we rented a giraffe
we faked hyperglycaemia
we got dressed at the Moulin Rouge
we were triple crossed
we found Nemo

Today

we jumped over a gate
we questioned a magic mirror
we simulated behavioural change
we were served our dinner by a seal
we transported a coffin

Today

we exhumed a grave
we sat on a high horse
we made a democratic joke
we listened to the voice of God
we stole a jam sandwich

Today

we toasted owls
we cleaned the kitchen counter
we became lords of the mountain
we mourned the death of a porcine fugitive
we squeezed into a box

Today

we sued an apple
we began at the beginning
we found a guitar in a bin
we followed Elvish road signs
we kept the faith

Today

we scrubbed a rug
we doctored some footage
we sat in an empty stadium
we ordered room service
we formed a coalition

Today

we dodged a train
we quoted Nelson Mandela
we filled a box with heather
we sang into the wind
we rented a friend

Today

we broke a knife
we toppled mattresses
we took a shower under a rainbow
we stormed the beach
we mowed in the dark

Today

we elected a clown
we buried a jar of pennies
we found a leech in our pants
we were asked who we are
we drew a pink curtain

Today

we flattened a tower
we went on a dragon hunt
we experienced narcolepsy
we received a poison pen letter
we punched the air

Today

we killed a sailor
we ignored an alarm
we downloaded our brains
we made an emergency landing
we spanked a petal

Today

we lost track of time
we found a giant penguin
we sang happy birthday underground
we answered all the questions
we sprained a finger